My Life as a Mother!

Almost all people think that if a woman becomes pregnant, her dreams will be ruined. But, it's a big No-No! A baby is a blessing. Based on my experience, I got pregnant when I was 19 years old. I was still a 3rd year university student at that time. The time I knew I was pregnant, I cried a lot. I thought I couldn't graduate from the university. At first, my boyfriend and I thought of aborting our baby but as time went by, I realized that aborting a baby was not the good way. I did it so I needed to accept the consequence. My womb became bigger and bigger. I told my close friends about my situation and they were so supportive. They didn't judge me. Thanks to my close friends Hannah, Eden, Veda, Shierly, Marjune, JM, Andrea, Ate Ruby, and Ate Anabel for understanding my situation. 

"I was 7 months pregnant...  taken last December 2010"

I gave birth to my elder daughter last February 20, 2012 through emergency cesarean operation. I gave her name: "Gnacy Pearl." Gnacy Pearl is the combination of my name and my husband's name. Gnacy came from the name Ignacio. I deleted letters I and i,o. The remaining letters were Gnac and I added letter y from my name May. It became Gnacy and I combined with my nickname Pearl. So, the result is Gnacy Pearl. 

After giving birth to my baby around 2:08 AM, February 20, 2012, it took three days before I was able to see her. The time I saw my baby, my world changed. I couldn't explain my feelings. I was very happy because I was able to deliver my baby safely. I underwent labor for 18 hours. 

"My 3 days old baby (Gnacy Pearl)"

After having my baby, everything is changed. I was so determined to graduate from the university. I studied very hard to pass all the examinations.  I was able to pass all my subjects for 2nd semester in 3rd year college. It was very difficult for me to join in different field activities because of my condition. Nonetheless, with the help of my supportive classmates and considerate professors, I passed all my subjects. When I was in 4th year college, I even had four part time jobs to sustain the needs of my baby and for my needs in the university. Though my boyfriend had a stable job, his salary was not enough. I worked as a student assistant in the university, a private tutor of a Grade 1 pupil, a part time online English tutor in RareJob, and a tutor in an tutorial center. Wow! I was a superwoman.

After 7 months from the time I gave birth to my elder daughter, I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter. We were so worried with my condition because I underwent cesarean operation. I went to my OB. She told me that it was just okay because my wound was horizontal. I made my thesis and experienced sleepless nights to accomplish all the projects and researches. And yeah! I could proudly say, I did it even if I was pregnant! So, getting pregnant doesn't ruin one's life or dream, instead it would help a person to achieve her goals. I graduated from the university on April 30, 2012 with a diploma and two trophies. 

I gave birth to my 2nd daughter on July 20, 2012 through cesarean operation again. I didn't experience any labor pain. I saw my daughter immediately after the operation. It made my life complete. 

"My one-day-old 2nd Daughter, Gnacy May"

As I saw my two daughters grew, it made me so happy. They really changed my life. When I was still single, I didn't know how to save money and to prioritize things. After having them, I prioritized the most important things especially their daily needs such as milk, diapers, vitamins, etc. And wow, it was very good to the feeling to provide all their needs. I didn't have any problems with their daily needs. Thank you Lord God for giving me healthy body to be able to work every day for 10 to 12 hours. One more good thing of being a mother is the moment my daughters called me "Mommy!" I was very happy seeing them closer with each other. Ate Gnacy Pearl was very loving and caring to her younger sister, Gnacy May. She was not selfish. 

"My Two Daughters Smiling with Each Other"

I wish I could hug them again. I was the happiest person the time I had them. I did a lot of things. I was so productive. I took another course in the other university as my 2nd course. I sent my sister to the university so I paid all her needs. I provided all the needs of my daughters. And yeah! I did it! The time we spend with each other was so short. I didn't expect that this would happen to me. My daughters were my source of inspiration, motivation, and strength. However, all of my dreams for them vanished. 

As a mother, losing them was the most painful thing happened to my life. I carried them for 9 months inside my womb. I raised them but they just disappeared. Sometimes, I told myself it was better to die from that super typhoon so that I couldn't feel this pain. I love my daughters so much. They are my life and my everything! My elder daughter was so kind. I didn't have any problems with her. She listened immediately whenever I explained something to her. My younger daughter was very loving to me. She was so beautiful. Her eyes was astonishing. I even asked God, "Why?" I know, I don't have the right to ask God but I couldn't really understand why did it happen to my family. 

"My Family"

Nevertheless, as a mother, I have to be strong for my family. The time I was very stressed, I kept on thinking about my family and my child inside my womb. It is really difficult to be a mother. I am not a wife material to my husband but I am a good mother to my kids. As much as possible, I provide all their needs. I will do my very best for the future of my children. As a mother, I become a great pretender! I am pretending to be okay for my family! I keep on smiling but deep inside, there is a pain until now and I don't know until when I will feel this. Maybe, I'll bring until my last breath in this world. At my early age, I experienced this kind of challenge. Maybe, this is my life! But for now, I need to be strong for my son - my new inspiration, strength and my life! 

"My Everything!"

For all mothers there, let us think of our kids. If we feel down, we have our kids who will make us becoming a stronger woman. I salute to all mothers who love and provide the needs of their kids!