My Life as a Mother!

Almost all people think that if a woman becomes pregnant, her dreams will be ruined. But, it's a big No-No! A baby is a blessing. Based on my experience, I got pregnant when I was 19 years old. I was still a 3rd year university student at that time. The time I knew I was pregnant, I cried a lot. I thought I couldn't graduate from the university. At first, my boyfriend and I thought of aborting our baby but as time went by, I realized that aborting a baby was not the good way. I did it so I needed to accept the consequence. My womb became bigger and bigger. I told my close friends about my situation and they were so supportive. They didn't judge me. Thanks to my close friends Hannah, Eden, Veda, Shierly, Marjune, JM, Andrea, Ate Ruby, and Ate Anabel for understanding my situation. 

"I was 7 months pregnant...  taken last December 2010"

I gave birth to my elder daughter last February 20, 2012 through emergency cesarean operation. I gave her name: "Gnacy Pearl." Gnacy Pearl is the combination of my name and my husband's name. Gnacy came from the name Ignacio. I deleted letters I and i,o. The remaining letters were Gnac and I added letter y from my name May. It became Gnacy and I combined with my nickname Pearl. So, the result is Gnacy Pearl. 

After giving birth to my baby around 2:08 AM, February 20, 2012, it took three days before I was able to see her. The time I saw my baby, my world changed. I couldn't explain my feelings. I was very happy because I was able to deliver my baby safely. I underwent labor for 18 hours. 

"My 3 days old baby (Gnacy Pearl)"

After having my baby, everything is changed. I was so determined to graduate from the university. I studied very hard to pass all the examinations.  I was able to pass all my subjects for 2nd semester in 3rd year college. It was very difficult for me to join in different field activities because of my condition. Nonetheless, with the help of my supportive classmates and considerate professors, I passed all my subjects. When I was in 4th year college, I even had four part time jobs to sustain the needs of my baby and for my needs in the university. Though my boyfriend had a stable job, his salary was not enough. I worked as a student assistant in the university, a private tutor of a Grade 1 pupil, a part time online English tutor in RareJob, and a tutor in an tutorial center. Wow! I was a superwoman.

After 7 months from the time I gave birth to my elder daughter, I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter. We were so worried with my condition because I underwent cesarean operation. I went to my OB. She told me that it was just okay because my wound was horizontal. I made my thesis and experienced sleepless nights to accomplish all the projects and researches. And yeah! I could proudly say, I did it even if I was pregnant! So, getting pregnant doesn't ruin one's life or dream, instead it would help a person to achieve her goals. I graduated from the university on April 30, 2012 with a diploma and two trophies. 

I gave birth to my 2nd daughter on July 20, 2012 through cesarean operation again. I didn't experience any labor pain. I saw my daughter immediately after the operation. It made my life complete. 

"My one-day-old 2nd Daughter, Gnacy May"

As I saw my two daughters grew, it made me so happy. They really changed my life. When I was still single, I didn't know how to save money and to prioritize things. After having them, I prioritized the most important things especially their daily needs such as milk, diapers, vitamins, etc. And wow, it was very good to the feeling to provide all their needs. I didn't have any problems with their daily needs. Thank you Lord God for giving me healthy body to be able to work every day for 10 to 12 hours. One more good thing of being a mother is the moment my daughters called me "Mommy!" I was very happy seeing them closer with each other. Ate Gnacy Pearl was very loving and caring to her younger sister, Gnacy May. She was not selfish. 

"My Two Daughters Smiling with Each Other"

I wish I could hug them again. I was the happiest person the time I had them. I did a lot of things. I was so productive. I took another course in the other university as my 2nd course. I sent my sister to the university so I paid all her needs. I provided all the needs of my daughters. And yeah! I did it! The time we spend with each other was so short. I didn't expect that this would happen to me. My daughters were my source of inspiration, motivation, and strength. However, all of my dreams for them vanished. 

As a mother, losing them was the most painful thing happened to my life. I carried them for 9 months inside my womb. I raised them but they just disappeared. Sometimes, I told myself it was better to die from that super typhoon so that I couldn't feel this pain. I love my daughters so much. They are my life and my everything! My elder daughter was so kind. I didn't have any problems with her. She listened immediately whenever I explained something to her. My younger daughter was very loving to me. She was so beautiful. Her eyes was astonishing. I even asked God, "Why?" I know, I don't have the right to ask God but I couldn't really understand why did it happen to my family. 

"My Family"

Nevertheless, as a mother, I have to be strong for my family. The time I was very stressed, I kept on thinking about my family and my child inside my womb. It is really difficult to be a mother. I am not a wife material to my husband but I am a good mother to my kids. As much as possible, I provide all their needs. I will do my very best for the future of my children. As a mother, I become a great pretender! I am pretending to be okay for my family! I keep on smiling but deep inside, there is a pain until now and I don't know until when I will feel this. Maybe, I'll bring until my last breath in this world. At my early age, I experienced this kind of challenge. Maybe, this is my life! But for now, I need to be strong for my son - my new inspiration, strength and my life! 

"My Everything!"

For all mothers there, let us think of our kids. If we feel down, we have our kids who will make us becoming a stronger woman. I salute to all mothers who love and provide the needs of their kids! 

The Power of Listening

Yesterday, March 29, 2015, I attended a seminar with a theme: "The Power of Listening." The speaker was Luzlin P. Elcullada, R.G.C. The seminar was held in Cebu Technological University. It was an interesting seminar. 

"The Guest Speaker"

I was able to learn the importance of listening. Listening is the ability to  precisely receive and interpret messages in the communication process. It is key to effective communication and to avoid miscommunication with each other. Most of the successful people are good listeners.  Listening to someone who has problems is a great way to ease the pain of the person feels. 

I faced a big challenge in my life. Losing a child is the most painful thing I've experienced and I think, almost all people feel the same way, too. I was so stressed and almost had a depression. I didn't experience going to a guidance counselor. Nevertheless, I'm so thankful to those people who listened to my story. Most of them gave me some advices. The speaker in this seminar said that in a guidance counseling context, giving advices  isn't not applicable. All you have to do is to listen. 

"The Attendees Listen to the Speaker Carefully"

In "listening", there are don'ts and do's to be considered. In verbal response, the don'ts include major topic jumps and discounting or subtractive response. It is important to have a parallel talk. In non-verbal response, the don'ts are sharp body shift, yawning and looking at the watch. The person must be attentive and show that s/he is interested to the individual. On the other hand, in verbal response, the do's include listening for accuracy (clarification), listening for understanding (paraphrasing and reflecting) and listening for themes (summarization). In non-verbal response, the do's are (SOFTEN):

• S - smile
• O - open posture
• F - forward lean
• T - touch (when needed)
• E - eye contact
• N - nodding of head appropriately

For me, the part which I like the most was the closing part. The speaker showed a video. It showed the importance of listening. Two ears can form a heart. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the video on Youtube. I'll just show pictures of what I've seen in the video.

"EARTH"

"HEART"

"TEAR"

"EARS"

These different illustrations are interrelated. People are living in the earth. If we form different word from the word "EARTH", we could make a word "HEART". Heart symbolizes LOVE. Meaning, we fall in love with someone else or we love our family and the people surround us. From the word HEART, we could get a word TEAR. Talking about LOVE, we can't avoid having arguments or misunderstandings with people whom we love so much. Because of that thing, we tend to cry. Nonetheless, we could ease our pain if someone would listen to us. That's why, two EARS can form a HEART. 

As a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend and as an ordinary person, I must listen to someone attentively to help him/her ease the pain s/he experiences. Thank you so much to Ma'am Melgo for letting us attend this seminar. 

Are Dreams True?

Should I believe on my dreams? Is it true? What does my dream want to imply to myself? These are the questions I want to have answers. Dreams are defined as successions of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. 

I lost my two daughters because of the super typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda). After the typhoon, I didn't have any chances to search for the dead bodies of my daughters. I went to Cebu with my husband on the next day due to my wounds. I didn't know what happened to my elder daughter. The last time I saw her was the time we were in the roof. She was holding the Holy Rosary.

"My Elder Daughter (Gnacy Pearl)"

After few weeks that super typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda) happened, I kept on dreaming about my elder daughter. In my dreams, she is alive. Someone told me that she survived and alived. I always dream of her but I had only one dream about my younger daughter. It was very short, maybe, just around 20 seconds only. I saw her smiling at me. I wanted to hug her. I ran towards to her and then, she suddenly vanished. I opened my eyes. I thought it was true! I tried to sleep again to continue my dream but there's no continuation of my dream. That was the last dream of mine with my younger daughter!

In the case of my elder daughter, I keep on dreamingof her. I shared it to my friends and they told me that maybe, the reason why I am always dreaming of her is that I always keep on thinking of her. Yeah! At some point, it's true. However, there are times that even if I don't think of her, I have a dream about her. She was with someone whom I don't know. Some settings of my dream are in the sea, in my hometown and in my university.

"My Younger Daughter (Gnacy May)"

I had a dream of her last night (March 28,2015). We were in my hometown (Mercedes, Silago). I called her name and she ran towards me. She hugged me tightly and I carried her. I was very happy to see her face. Nevertheless, my dream wasn't continued because my alarm clock rang.

I am happy at the same time nervous and worried. If my elder daughter, Gnacy Pearl, is alive, where is she right now? Is she in a good condition? Are those people adopt her kind? Lord God, please protect my kids. If she is still alive, please make a way that we will gonna meet each other again. I want to hug and to kiss her.

"This picture was taken few weeks before the typhoon"

 

"My Daughter and I"

I want to be happy with my kids. Whenever I achieve something, I'm not really totally happy. There's something missing. Lord God, I trust on you! I believe on you and I believe, "Everything happens for a reason and you have a better plan for my family!"

If Ate Gnacy Pearl is still alive, I hope the family whom she is right now is kind, loving and caring. That they will love and treat her as their own daughter. Lord God, please hear my prayers! I hope one day, someone will keep in touch with me to give some information about my daughter if ever she is still alive. You can reach me on my facebook account..  https://www.facebook.com/gnacymay.gnacypearl 

"Memorable Moment with my Daughters"

My Personal Experiences of Super Typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda)

It has been more than one year after the super typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda) hit our place in Tacloban City,Leyte but it is still fresh on my mind on what happened on that day! Let me share my personal experiences during that time.

On November 7, 2013, before the super typhoon Yolanda hit our place, we were preparing for the said typhoon. We bought groceries, flashlights, radio, etc. to keep updated of the typhoon. At night, my husband called over the phone to tell me to prepare our things because we would evacuate to their camp at SPOW, DZR Airport, Tacloban City. He thought that staying in their base was safe since his colleagues were there. They were all soldiers. At that night, I was so happy playing with my kids. Their names are Gnacy Pearl and Gnacy May. My elder daughter slept at around 1 AM. She wanted to sleep beside her father. On the other hand, my younger daughter slept beside me. For the whole night, we hugged each other while sleeping. When I woke up in the morning, my arms were tired. We woke up around 4:00 AM, November 8, 2013 because we could already hear the strong sound of the wind. It was like an airplane. We were listening to the radio to get updates about the typhoon. The typhoon made a landfall at around 4:45 AM in Guiuan, Eastern Samar.

"The Place where We Stayed When the Super Typhoon Yolanda Hit Our Place"

My two daughters were playing and they were dancing. At around 5:30 AM, the wind was getting stronger and stronger. The roof  was blown away of the strong wind. I was able to take a video and posted it on my facebook account. (Yolanda) At around 6 AM, the mobile network signal was lost. The wind and rain became stronger and stronger. We went inside the barracks. Suddenly, the ceiling collapsed because of the strong wind and the windows were broken. To protect my kids, we stayed under the double deck-bed. They put the plywood and foam at the top of the deck to protect us from the broken glasses. My two daughters were not crying. They didn’t know what happened. I was so nervous. I kissed my younger daughter and hugged her tightly. I fed her with milk but she didn’t want. I gave her a biscuit but she just held it. After few minutes, my husband heard some noise outside. It seemed that someone knocked the door. When he opened the door, he saw the water from the sea. He shouted, “Climb!” He took my two daughters. He gave my elder daughter to his colleague. He held my younger daughter so that I could climb to the roof. We held in the steel truss. The water raised quickly. At first, it was just knee-length, then waist-length and then beyond human's height. The height of the sea water was 7 meters high. We stayed in the roof for few minutes. My husband was holding our younger daughter while the colleague of my husband was holding my elder daughter. I was looking at my elder daughter carefully. She was holding a rosary that my mother gave to her. The wind and rain were very strong. We couldn't see anything. It was plain white. The roof was shaking because of the big waves. Suddenly, there was a big wave hit us. The roof collapsed and we didn't have a choice but to jump to the sea water. I didn't know what happen to my elder daughter. She was separated from us.

"My Two Gorgeous Daughters"

I was with my husband and younger daughter. We didn't know where we were. We saw some of our neighbors in the middle of the sea but after few minutes, they were gone. The wind and rain were so strong. The rain was so painful and it was like a needle. The sea water was turning. It was like we were inside the washing machine. We couldn't turned back. We swam in the sea for more than 3 hours. I saw my daughter's face bleeding because of the debris. My husband's head was bleeding as well because he was hit by a galvanized iron sheet. His wound was big. Because of the consecutive big waves, my younger daughter slipped from the arm of my husband and she was carried by the wave. I've already given up and I told my husband, “Good Bye and I Love You So Much” because I couldn't breathe anymore. I drank a lot of dirty water because I used my mouth to breathe. I had an asthma at that time. However, my husband didn't give up. He held me tightly. He got a banana stem. He let me ride on it. He held my clothes until we saw a two-storey house. We didn't know what place we were. We aimed to climb on that 2-storey house but it was difficult for me because of many big waves. Because of those big waves, my head bumped on the cement. I thought I would die because my head was aching and a lot of blood came out from my wound. I lost my consciousness for few minutes. Nevertheless, my husband didn't let me go. His right hand was holding in the band while his left hand was holding my clothes. He did his best to wake me up. I could hear his voice so I tried my eyes to open but only my right eye. I saw a hand and I held it. My husband pulled me up. He covered me with his body. He didn't have any shirts. He only wore a boxer short. All the debris and big waves hit him. He endured all the pain just to protect me. He hugged me tightly. The level of the water slowly went down. He got a blanket from the first floor to cover me up to minimize the coldness I felt. The wind became weaker and the water went down, we saw the Sto. Nino church. So, we were already at the downtown area. All of the houses were broken. Three men saw us and they told us that we were in Magallanes. They helped us to go to a bigger house. The people in that big house gave us clothes and medicine for my wound. We were so hungry because we didn't have breakfast and lunch yet. It was around 2 PM when we reached the downtown area. My husband made some ways to go to the hospital because my wound was bleeding so much. He left for few minutes and he asked for a help from the coastguards. They helped us to go to the highway.My husband carried me on his back because I couldn't walk anymore.It was really difficult for him because there were a lot of debris such as nails, woods, and even dead bodies. He didn't have any slippers but he didn't mind it.

"My Brave Husband with our Adorable Angels"

We rode in a dum truck in order to go to the hospital but it couldn't pass because of the debris on the street. We get off the drum truck and my husband carried me again on his back from Real Street (Three Sixty Pharmacy) going to the Bethany hospital. Some of the staff of ABS-CBN helped us. They guided us going to the hospital. The nurse put only bethadine to my wound because it couldn't be stitched because there was no available anesthesia. I was very hungry and the staffs of ABS-CBN asked some crackers from other people. They gave it to me. We were crying so hard because we lost our two daughters and we didn't know what happened to my mother and my siblings. A couple felt pity to us. They brought us to their boarding house. They were so kind. They gave us foods, clothes and a bed to sleep on.

"Our Faces after the Typhoon"

On the next day, November 9, 2013, we heard the sound of C130 and helicopters. We decided to go back to the airport. We walked from downtown area going to the airport. While we were walking, we saw a lot of animals and people's dead bodies. We saw my husband's colleague and he told us that my mother and my two siblings were alive but my elder daughter was missing. They were able to survive by holding in the coconut tree for more than 2 hours. 

After few hours of walking, we reached the DZR Airport. We saw my husband's colleagues. The person who was holding my elder daughter asked "Sorry" for not saving her. It was very painful knowing that I lost my two daughters. We rode on C130 going to Cebu, Philippines. I needed to go to the hospital immediately to treat my wound. We met my mother and my two siblings on Sunday afternoon (November 10, 2013). 

"My Mother and My Siblings"

After the typhoon, everything is changed. It made my life miserable for many months. It affects my life so much. Since my head bumped on the cement, I have now hyposmia. Hyposmia is a reduced ability to smell and to detect odors. I hope everything will be okay in the near future! 

The First Phase of My Married Life

Life is so difficult to deal with! Being in a married life is not always happy. I got married at an early age when I was 20 years old. We got married last June 11, 2012.  At first, I was very hesitant to get married but because of my two daughters I had to. Nevertheless, I didn't feel regret. My daughters had a legitimate family. We had a simple wedding ceremony. We had a civil wedding but actually, I really wanted to have a church wedding. I want to experience walking in the aisle and wearing a nice wedding dress. (I hope it would happen soon!) 

"My Wedding Photo"

I was 7 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter at that time.  It took only 10 minutes to get married. After getting married, life becomes a roller coaster. Nevertheless, I could say that he is the right man for me. Though we can't sometimes understand each other, I love this man so much. I will love him even more each day. We had a great family! For me, it was already perfect though we had a lot of problems.

"Our Family Picture"

After 1 year and 4 months of getting married, a big challenge happened in our lives. I lost my two daughters because of the super typhoon Haiyan (Yolanda). It really tested our marriage and our love with each other. My husband was my strength. He really supported throughout my sadness.  He gave me whatever I wanted!

Now, I realize that he is really the right person for me. A married woman should know how to cook, to do some household chores, etc. However, I don't have the characteristics of being a wife. I am not a wife material but my husband understands it. My husband is the one who washes his clothes, cooks foods and prepares his things. I am not really an ideal wife. Sometimes, I am childish maybe because I am so dependent with my mother. My mother does everything for me. Nonetheless, I can also say that I am not a lazy person because I work so hard for my family. I provide all the needs of my family. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!! I will do my very best for my cutie little one!!

"My Cutie Little One"